Interviews. They either go really good or really bad. That’s essentially what a first date is. There’s a lot of preparation. Sometimes, friendship has been established between the two parties and they already know a lot about one another. The big hurdle and question in mind can be, “Is there truly love here?” and, “Will this be awkward or natural?” Other times, the two parties do not know each other well at all, but there is an attraction that has brought them to this place. Dating often begins in no-man’s land with questions circling in your head like, “Are we in a relationship?” When that is established, dating continues and – if all goes well – through engagement and even through your marriage. Notice I didn’t say up to the wedding day. Dates are a must to maintain a successful marriage. In the life of dating, there are times good intentions, innocence, and ignorance creep into the scene – especially for the inexperienced. There are a few tips for guys to make this experience meaningful and effective (if you truly like her).
Before I continue, let me establish that dating is not the gateway to the bedroom. But as I stated earlier, it can eventually lead to marriage, which leads to countless guilt-free good times. I’m also not just talking about dating for the sake of dating. This isn’t about your attempts to kill loneliness by establishing a steady rotation of companions. Dating is the last phase before engagement. While it is exhilarating, it also entails some learning curves for a few.
1. Communicate your availability
It’s inevitable for our generation – the allure of social media investigation. We can scour through the endless stream of photos of our significant interest. But wait! There’s a plethora of photos of you with this one girl. This other girl. And her arm is around you. Not in a seductive way. It’s just a friendly side hug as the two of you pose for a photo. Sure, she may be your cousin with a different last name, but the lady you are pursuing doesn’t know that. For you, this may have been an innocent friendly photo at the family reunion. But in your significant interest’s mind, she’s competition. Or perhaps you were a groomsman and walked down the aisle with a bridesmaid at your friend’s wedding. You don’t know this bridesmaid but the photographer took some photos at the reception and your lady friend’s mind has been buzzing ever since you were tagged online. No sparks flew between you and the bridesmaid. In fact, she is engaged. It doesn’t matter in the brain of the one you’re pursuing. Proceed in social media with caution. If that means removing tags, deleting, and removing yourself from self-incriminating photos that were taken in innocence, it may be to your benefit and her peace of mind. Perhaps you have a lot of female friends. Now might be a good time to distance yourself from them to show a level of commitment to your pursuit. Remember, taking measures to communicate your availability is not the same as seeming desperate. It is a thoughtful act that speaks volumes.
2. Show respect – especially in your words
I have witnessed a handful of guys trip over their words in the presence of a beautiful woman. What was a great sense of humor has evolved into one bad joke after the next with no laughter and applause following. The lack of response leaves him desperate for some kind of reaction. His bad jokes eventually evolve into words spoken with one goal in mind: shock factor! Pretty soon, language gets loose, a family member is spoken about, and the conversation spirals into a crash and burn frenzy of offensive speech that was spoken out of panic. It’s not that guys are stupid. But scientific studies have proven that attractive females send guys into a stupor. And often the words that result in a barrage of shocking words leave the female unimpressed, insulted, and worsen your chances to recover. Meanwhile, the male returns from his blackout, standing in smoke and ash at the bottom of a meteor crater. What just happened? As he questions if he really said what he thinks he said, he remembers the blur of events in disbelief. Ladies, give a little grace. Gentlemen, hold fast to respect. If you’re not sure how your words will be taken, keep those lips sealed. Never say anything derogatory about her family or friends. Don’t make negative comments about anyone. I have seen ladies walk away from potential interests simply because they overheard negativity pouring from the man who had an interest in them. Without neglecting physical attraction, there is truth in the statement that women fall in love with their ears. Be bold in your compliments, shower her with words of encouragement, and let respect be your anthem.
3. Come bearing gifts
As mentioned in my previous blog about flirting, buying a cup of coffee can be a wonderful gesture. But let’s talk about gifts. Sometimes, it’s not the size or the price of the gift, but the thoughtfulness behind it. Are you an artist? Draw something. Are you a musician? Play her something? Are you a writer? Write her something – a poem, a short story, or a song. If you want to take a more traditional approach with gifts, flowers make for a spectacular gift. In the mind of a man, flowers may seem like something that has temporal beauty, but will eventually die and wither away. A female makes a totally different correlation with flowers. Flowers are a sign that you were thinking of her – even in your moments apart. You took time to go to the store, the florist, or a garden to purchase or pick flowers for her. Just because those flowers may die, you may have added life to your relationship.
4. Get creative and have fun
You may think you’re not creative, but you are! What are some fun, interesting, and different ideas that will have her gushing to her friends and family about you. This may require you to do some homework. What are some hidden treasures in your area? Hiking trails. Beautiful overlooks. Majestic views. Waterfalls. All of these have a commonality. In most cases, these are free and they give you an opportunity to spend quality time together. Anyone with a lot of money can afford the frills of high-priced excursions. But young dating couples tend to be on a budget and expensive outings can be difficult at times. The hot air balloon rides, river boat cruises, and fine dessert tours of the city can add up quickly. Keep the ideas coming. Let that spontaneous creative man make his debut.
5. Shout her name from the rooftops
So you like this girl and have been dating her. You want to keep dating her, right? These guidelines, up until now, have been about what you should do in her presence. This rule pertains to what you should do when you are apart. Have you ever known someone for a few weeks or even months before they ever made mention about someone they’ve been dating? This tip pertains to calibrating the seriousness of the situation. If you’re head over heels, let her name be on the tip of your tongue. Let it flow from your lips. Don’t let her name slip out as if by accident. Always speak of her in a positive manner. Never degrade - even in a small way - behind her back. Defend her name, her honor, and her calling. If you light up when you speak about her, you’re doing yourself a service by showing you are proud of her. If you’re slow to bring her up, it’s probably a good sign that whatever this is shouldn’t continue. In that case, you should save you and her time by discontinuing the dating game. And while dating is fun, if it’s just a game, when does it stop being a game? Will that carry over into the engagement and marriage? When it begins requiring work (because it will), will you give up on her if you see it as a game?
And as I’ve emphasized before, may your chivalry never die.