Young. Single. Anointed. Single. Called by God. Not getting any younger. Still single. Bold for Jesus. Still in the friend zone. See the pattern? Unfortunately, there is a serious dilemma among young believers today. Visit just about any ministry and you’ll find amazing people worshiping together, laughing together, and genuine friendship blossoming into – well, at this pace, a good memory. So what’s the problem? Everybody wants to experience life together but nobody wants to share their life with another. There is a major difference. Marriage and life as a missionary is not an either/or battle. Poisonous beliefs have seeped into the minds of so many of our best, holding them back from a fulfilling life in union with a husband or wife. I’m here to tell you, it is possible to live a powerful life for the Lord with a spouse. Perhaps even more powerful than if you were single.
I’m giving my 20s to Jesus.
I’m dedicating my 30s to the Lord.
I’m living a celibate life because I am the bride of Christ.
I’ve heard it all. Compartmentalized dedication measured in years rather than believing our union with Jesus is complete, forever, and cannot be tampered with. Romans 8 gives a clear picture that nothing can separate us from His love. When we are in Him, we are not dipping our toe in Him like a cold swimming pool. We are not ankle deep. We are fully immersed in love Himself. If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny who He is (II Timothy 2:13). He cannot change His mind about His love for us nor will He ever.
So why are chants of celibacy celebrated? It was God who said that it is not good for man to be alone. Marriage is a sacrament between a man and a woman which God ordained and blessed in the beginning. In fact, Paul warns Timothy of doctrines of demons forbidding marriage, among other things. I am not against anyone living a single lifestyle or anyone who simply does not desire to be married. The Apostle Paul was single. But there are many who purposefully avoid marriage and use celibacy as a platform of self-sacrifice and a means of super-spiritual enhancement for reaching the next level. The truth is, there isn’t another level in Christ. He is the end-all, be-all. In Christ is the fullness of the Godhead – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And now, it is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We lack nothing in Him. Avoiding marriage for the sake of Christ is a feeble attempt to obtain something we already have: perfect intimacy.
If we already have perfect intimacy, then why is marriage a good idea?
Pleasure. Did you realize, many in the church believe God doesn’t want them to experience pleasure? Pleasure is associated with flesh, and flesh with sin. But I have good news for you: Just because you have a body that has the capacity to experience pleasure, it doesn’t make it bad. Jesus Himself has a physical body – still to this day! Attraction is okay. Your senses are not evil. God created you and that beautiful friend you’ve thought about asking on a date. There is a fire burning on the inside of people that needs to be tended to. Many think marriage will simply put the fire out. When you’re in love with your spouse, the inferno of intimacy cannot be quenched. Problems arise when you play with fire before there’s a commitment. And what better commitment and accountability than vowing to forsake all others for the person you love? Falling asleep beside each other and waking to see their face. Pleasure isn’t just in the physical. It’s the trust that builds. You have one person you can share everything with. The communication, conversation, and…
Creativity. You have a lifelong dreamer at your side. From the day I was married, my husband and I live by a motto: From glory to glory. Our best days are never behind. Since July 31, 2010, we have seen and done more than most do in a lifetime. It’s as if the possibilities were endless because I had someone to dream with. And many of those dreams so far have become reality. Our ideas collide into a conception of creative and fun methods of providing resources to those we feel called to serve. But it all comes down to…
Family. When we started our family, it sometimes felt like we fell off the face of the earth. Sure, we have friends and enjoy their company. But I married my best friend. He would tell you the same. And we’ve added more to the pack! Our love for each other is relived when we see each other’s traits in our kids. When our oldest daughter sees someone with a cast on one leg and asks me to pray with them, I see discipleship at its finest (and she was born in 2012 – do the math!). We grow together in our understanding, our revelation of Christ, and encourage each other onto greater things. In our marriage, we have seen more than we did when we were single. And believe me when I say, we saw a lot in our single years. God is not going to throw cold water on your passion to see nations transformed with the Gospel. He will give you a spouse who He can propel you with! I am not, nor will I ever, prophesy a mate for someone. Before marriage, I don’t believe in the one. There are many fish in the sea, as the old adage goes. But when you are married, that person becomes the one as you two become one. Marriage is how we can experience love as bride and groom in like manner as Christ and His church. What a wonderful honor and opportunity we’ve been given to see more clearly the love He has for us.
Ask yourself…
Are you bold? Are you seeing miracles in the streets? Are you introducing people to Christ? What fun! But is your mission an excuse for avoiding any possibility that could lead to a healthy marriage because you believe it might hold you back? My husband and I finally got a clue when we saw the fruit that budded from our friendship. We saw hundreds of college students get saved, healed, and delivered. It was fun then and still is today! But it made us think, maybe there’s something to this friendship. There certainly can be a healthy attraction when you’re enjoying the Holy Spirit together. Is there someone like this in your life?
Just get over your…
Fear. It’s an acknowledgement of something that hasn’t even occurred. It’s painted with “what ifs” and “maybes”. Fear draws our doubts into deep water and stirs the tempest of cowardice in our souls. We imagine every wrong turn and each possibility that is filled with impending doom and a certain fate. I’m here to relieve your fears and say… Relax. As we move along, let me reassure you that there is sufficient grace, forgiveness, and healing that is already atoned for in Christ. If past mistakes are determining your future, look further back to the cross and see yourself brand new.
Dear Lord Jesus,
I thank you for a godly spouse who I can share a vision and mission with in life.
Thank you for boldness, fearlessness, and pure, unadulterated, unconditional love.
Thank you for bringing this person in my life in the right time.
Thank you for equipping me now to be a strong leader for my family in the future.
I cast off past mistakes and thank you for wisdom and discernment.
Thank you for protecting me and for wanting the best for me in a spouse.
Thank you for an anointed spouse whom I am attracted to and who is attracted to me.
You have ordered my steps as well as theirs.
I believe when we enter our union, you will take us from glory to glory.
Thank you for propelling us into greater adventures than ever before.
Thank you for greater boldness and increased miracles.
Thank you for provision, direction, and for clarity in all decisions.
Thank you for a powerful home and family of righteousness, peace, joy, faith, hope, and love.
In Jesus’ name – Amen.
